cleverjello's Diaryland Diary

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to bring up in therapy // le calme

the future is scary to me because it's an unknown. there are so many bad possibilties in my mind. like someone i love getting cancer. or injured. my parents are uninsured, and i worry very much about their health. that's a big reason that i'm so financially motivated to make more money. I want to be able to help, or do good things for my parents. lord knows they deserve it, I love them so much. plus I feel my chest starting to hurt, so i should know to stop. hmm, why don't i treat myself better, kinder to myself and my feelings. I know I am sensitive, and I need to honor that part of who i am, and not pretend otherwise. but that's so hard. one reason i feel like a loner is because there are few people in my life, certainly not family, that i am so comfortable being vulnerable with. i also really care what people think about me and i feel like a fake nigerian, is it strange, that the neighborhood I grew up in brings me such anxiety? am i a freak because of this? thank god for therapy...If i'm still affected by this in two weeks, i will bring it up in therapy.

11:56 p.m. - 2019-05-02

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