cleverjello's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- People disappoint me but I don't disappoint me :) 2018 is winding down. Good riddance? This year really kicked my butt. It's also been a year when I've grown immensely. And growth hurts, man. Someone I love disappointed me. There was a really scary situation a few weeks ago when my dad was arrested (falsely, I might add) and we hadn't heard from him over the course of the weekend. I was a wreck. Could barely keep it together, struggled to not burst into tears of worry and fear at every second. I confided in the one friend who knows more about my family's situation, my dad's problem, more than any of my other friends. And she never even responded to my texts. Two weeks went by until she finally addressed it, and it was because I texted her to ask when she's free to talk. I was really hurt and I still am hurt. Sometimes I wonder how much I can really count on S____ if I'm ever in distress or need someone to talk to. I am not a high maintenance friend. Not at all. Only so much can be done from a distance. But still, if a friend sent me a text that their dad was arrested and that they were scared, I would respond immediately. I know her job is all-consuming and other things are on her mind, but to the point where she can't even respond to a fucking text? I'm still angry about it, to be honest. I'm so thankful I have a therapist that I can talk about this shit Anyway, we're going to talk next weekend, probably. This whole situation has taught me to stop putting people on pedestals. She's the friend I've idealized the most. But I know I could never let myself down the way that she let me down. That's a fact. My holiday break has started. I go to Montreal in three days! I'm also ultra excited because I'm staying in for NYE this year. Yup, been dreaming about this since last year. Gonna make mimosas and watch a fucking movie in my apartment. Who knows, I might even get a couple cute decorations just to make things festive. 8:40 p.m. - 12/22/2018 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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